Jesus doesn’t ask us to be rule followers; He asks us to choose life and light.
Right and wrong can be subjective, depending on the circumstances, and many of us face decisions each day that challenge us because life is full of nuance, and isn't always black and white.
With that being said, I want to propose a question you can ask yourself that will help you navigate difficult decisions, especially within relationships...
Does this action bring life and light, or does it bring death and darkness?
It is our nature as humans to want to know the rules. We wish for clear cut guidelines to follow and definitive "rights" and "wrongs" to ensure that we are never in “the wrong.” This type of thinking is usually fear and pride based. Either we fear getting punished for our wrongdoings, or fear feeling guilt, and in pride we believe that we are entitled a reward for not breaking the rules.
This way of living may work in certain scenarios, but it does not lend itself to healthy relationships.
Rules are not relational.
A majority of our lives are lived in relation to other people, and there isn’t a foolproof rulebook that covers every relational situation you may encounter.
So asking yourself, "are my choices and decisions bringing life and light to me and those around me?" will help you develop healthy relationships, or possibly, discern if you need to be in the relationship at all.
Our conversations should bring light and life to those around us. You may be correct in what you are saying, but it may also be gossip, judgment, or damaging to someone else. So, although you may technically be right, it may be wrong to say because it brings death or darkness into the situation.
The rich young ruler was looking for the rules to gain eternal life. Jesus gave him the key, which was being in relationship with him, and not having anything else as an idol. Instead of rules to follow, Jesus extended an invitation to a different way of life, but sadly, the young man refused His invitation.
Bringing light and life doesn’t always produce the results we hope for, but it does a better job of revealing our hearts than rules ever could.
Relationships are dynamic. Life is dynamic.
Unfortunately, there isn’t a rule book large enough to handle all of the situations we may face in our lifetime. However, we know from scripture that Jesus wants us to experience an abundant life, and that comes from choosing life and light rather than simply discerning "right" from "wrong."
Blessings,
Dean